Behind the Bar

I am not coming back just yet. I feel as though I want to take this moment to paint you a picture of where I am at in my life.

Chicago. And it is f*cking amazing.

*Think of this painting description as more of a expressionist ideal portrayed with the colors of a certain Piet Mondrian. If you don't follow art or what each period stands for then please look it up or silently exit my site.

Till we meet again...

I have decided to take a break from blogging for the time being. I need not come up with some lame excuse as to why I have decided to put my incredibly hilarious, sometimes cynical, a lot sexy, but mostly judgemental writing style on halt. I just am. I'll grace the world again one day when you least expect it. For now I say adieu.

Unabridge

Behind the Bar: As previously mentioned my neighbor is the bartender of this pimps palace. What this means, I pretty much grilled him a lot more than I would have any other person. Apparently it wasn't all that bad because he hasn't egged my house...yet. He said the only thing that he didn't like about the space was the depth of the bar. On the side where the customer sits, the overhanging lip looked like it was only half a foot deep. Not enough room to really comfortably put your legs anywhere. (How I see it, this pushes the bar stool further into the space so the customer doesn't have their knees jammed up against it. Not the wisest of things if the area is already reduced in size.) What I noticed, the height of the seats in comparison to the bar was way off. I did not like the feeling that I could just lean in to sip on my cocktail. Drinks should not be consumed from a horizontal front, they should be approached in an upward and then immediate downard motion.

Who's Who: This would be the absolute perfect place to go if you worked on Maiden Lane. Just think, done with work by 5:30pm...drinking by 5:32pm. And from what it looked like, that is exactly what those Maidenians did. The bar offered a great after work social scene, one that allowed for chatting up people you may or may not know. It also offered an excellent chance to indulge in a little more intimate one-on-one setting. So immediately after you meet someone you can take them upstairs to get away from the hustle and bustle of the folks still in search of their match. Kinda sounds like a cheesy dating reality show, right?

Unabridged

*Well off topic but genius! Have to love the way some men think.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues:

The Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle 's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over!

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

Hi, Hello! You probably are wondering where the F I have been for the past month. (and if you haven't well that just hurts) Yes, I have be extremely delinquent in my postings. Sorry folks! I wish I had some amazing story to tell you like I met a man and got whisked off to the Greek islands taking nothing with me but my bikini and 4 bottles of rum. (if there is any interest in that please contact me and I'll send you an application;) But alas that would not be the case. I have, however, been stuffing my face with chocolate and alcohol all month. Using the alcohol to forget about the fact I can't stop eating tasty desserts, and the tasty desserts to help keep me from going overboard with the alcohol. I think it is really a win-win situation. In the new year, I plan to keep it real while keeping it sober and in turn keep more up to date on my postings. (Subject to change and/or termination without notification) For now, I'll say my adieu to 2008 and welcome 2009! See you all next year!!!!

Unabridged

Neighborhood: Western Addition/NOPA
San Francisco, CA 94117
In The Know: The first I have ever heard of this place was from an anonymous comment on my "I have been flagged" review. It read, "i posted a review of 'candy bar' based on my perceptions of walking by it, reading their menu, and concluding that the place looks like jcrew and wasn't a good fit for the neighborhood." I, obviously never being one to judge, couldn't possibly pass up the opportunity to check out a place that was both full of a certain J Crew wearing type of people in a neighborhood that is not exactly J Crew friendly. And having one of the best HH's I have ever heard of doesn't hurt either. I needed to investigate. First impression: I could not see J Crew in the people at all. I could, however, see where someone might mistake this place for a retail shop. Could it be the over sized book shelf looking object used to divide the front lounge from the back tables? It does look as though it could have housed several sweater vests and polo's on it. Possibly the bar and furniture wood accents? The sharp angular edges and color does come off a bit Banana Republicy. How about the lighting scheme?...

Behind the Bar: I have talked to all parties that either own or operate this place so if I was to gossip, it would be oh so juicy. However, as previously mentioned, I talk to them every week now. I wouldn't want a high school he said, he said (to my knowledge it is all men that work there) kinda situation. So to save all parties from a civil war, I am going to give you just what I think. Isn't that all that matters anyways?...

Who's Who: One would think that since there are a plethora of board games that it would be fun for the whole family. False! I would not like to see little kids running around this place. One there isn't enough room to run around. Two if im on a romantical after dinner date, the last thing I want to concern myself with is a child staring at me as I deliver sexual innuendos over a game of Shoots and Ladders. (you might be surprise how much that game can get anyone into the right mood;) It is a great place to meet some girlfriends/boyfriends after work. It is an even better place if you go on a date, realize that you have absolutely nothing in common with the person sitting across from you, however they insist that you at least eat dessert. Instead of continuing on with the utter bore that is your date, you can take him to Candybar where at least you have a game and fantastically delicious dessert to occupy your time before rushing home to call your girlfriends and discuss how just because they are a rocket scientist for NASA doesn't make them interesting. Enjoy!

Unabridged

Here is a chilling question for you: Is it okay for a man to walk around topless if s/he has gotten a boob job? ...

In The Know: Yes, the TL does not have the best reputation, being overrun with some shady characters and all. Luckily, a lot of the bars in this neck of the woods bare no resemblance on the inside to there outside surroundings. This area might be the only place that has velvet ropes and crack whores all sharing sidewalk space. America, F*ck Ya! However, once beyond these pearly gates the space takes on a seductively dark ambiance. A vibrant red/gold floral pattern creeps up every inch on the wall to the right while a brick facade spans the length of the left. I should note that I am totally a fan of wall paper over just painting walls. It definitely looks like the designers actually cared about the space and wanted to put some extra bucks in to make it nice. However, this paper looked as though it projectile vomited all over the wall and wouldn't stop until every last drop reeked of roses and gold. It could have been the sheer height of the space that made me feel floral nausea. If it wasn't for the hot bartender #1 distracting me I might have thrown up roses and gold myself. (*On a side note...

Behind The Bar: Nothing. Nothing goes here because no one told me that anything is wrong or right with the space. Bartender #2 did say he loved the shell looking chandeliers over the bar; loved the upchucked floral extravaganza that was is the wallpaper; thought having an upstairs was 'dope.' Come on #2, I am asking what you think works and what doesn't, not whether you think it is pretty. Lets reserve that kinda judgement for the tranny with huge knockers doing lines of crack off your velvet ropes outside. If he was bartender #1, his delicious mouth would have told me he did not mind the whole establishment is situated with all roads leading to the bar. The ratio of space in front of the bar is almost equal to behind the bar, giving these bartenders ample room to stretch out while the patrons on the other side huddle together. If he was bartender #1 he might have even told me...

Who's Who: Don't worry, the tooth decaying midget tranny will not be the one trying to share a bar stool with you. The crowd seemed to be anywhere from late 20's all the way up to earlyish 40's. I saw a lot of after work people all dressed up in the latest business casual. (mainly because I went after work) If I was to take a gander at the night life scene, I would put my money on a mix of overdressed marina type trying to experience a world outside of Prada bags and popped collars or the club kids looking for a chill spot to exercise their demons before they head to their uber all night club.

Unabridged

Boboquivari's


Neighborhood: Marina/Cow Hollow
1450 Lombard Street(between Franklin St & Van Ness Ave)
San Francisco, CA 94123
(415) 441-8880


In the Know: I shouldn't really be saying this because it pretty much goes against the whole idea of me becoming a designer. But I have never been one to follow rules and so I don't see why I would need to now. What I am getting at is while hiring a designer will definitely give your restaurant a better atmosphere which in turn will bring in more business [hint, hint], one does not have to pay someone else a 218.7% mark up for a design. (and to the 92.4% of gay males that run the interior design world just remember, I have graciously walked 3 very handsome, strapping young men out of the proverbial closet so if you feel I am outing you, we're even bitches!) Obviously with the economy in turmoil everyone wants to save as much money as possible so restaurant owners are now becoming designers. And, more often than not they aren't doing such a horrible job. There must be a 'How To' book to bar/restaurant design going around. I am sure within these pages there would be certain must does, can does, and definitely don't, even it you think it is cool, trust me no one else does do guidelines. For example...

Behind the Bar: No need to ask anyone about the woes of this place, I worked here for a brief stint (about 2 years ago now and I haven't been back so if I am off please let me know. I won't change what I have said because once I am on a roll there is really no turning back. I will, however, make a 5pt font sidenote with your comments. Cheers!), and hence have my own behind the scenes take on it. Other than my obvious disdain for the lack of a hostess stand and the fact that it is the creepiest decor ever, the multi-levelness of the place is less than desirable. I understand utilizing all levels of your space. But that third level is ridiculously hard for a server to maintain, especially in regards to the type of people that go there. (That will be discussed in the who's who section) And speaking of that area...

Who's Who: Since this is a more expensive establishment you are going to get a more high-end crowd. Please don't take offense to anything I have said. I love these kinda folks (mostly when I am on the inside looking out). I recommend Bobo's as a place to take a client that you need to impress, a place to take a date you need to impress, a special event where you need to be impressed (and that you don't have to pay for - i.e. birfday or graduation), or parents that need to shut their kids up by taking them to an expensive clown show. I would seriously avoid the last one though, more often than not clowns are scarier than they are funny for kids, and if I am in a fine dining restaurant with kids screaming around me...it is I that will be the scary one.

You all know my love for the Marina. It's undeniable. But I must admit, I have never in my life wanted to be in that district as much as after watching this video. I have never wanted be in the presence of 'those guys' as much as with this fine gentleman. To whomever you are....please contact me. I must know what makes you tick. I must get inside your head. I can tell you are deep. If it helps, I will do all the sorority hair girl shakes it takes! *you know what I mean ;)

Enjoy!

Gimme More!

Lets get back to why I started this whole blog to begin with. Hospitality Design, and more importantly what works, what doesn't, who is in the know, to whom you might see at these spots, and my favorite part the subtle stories about certain dates or gentleman callers that take place during my search for the best/worst designs.

Gimme More!

So this is my third post where I am going completely off topic. (Topic being bar design and the insiders views on it.) But seeing as how we have a major election coming up I feel it is time to get in the know with this whole red vs. blue situation. My sister forwarded this to me and I feel I need to pass these wise words on. And if for nothing else it will give you a little chuckle.

Enjoy!


Dear Red States:

If you somehow manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 90% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too.
You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico

Peace out,
--Blue States

Welcome to the second installment of My Marina Experience. (If you missed part 1 please read the previous post before indulging in this tasty morsel.) This addition takes a close look at my favorite creatures (the marina guy and girl) in their natural habitat. I stepped into their mecca, barely able to make it out alive. Now without further adu I bring you:

It has been ages but now I'm back!

My trip was amazing. It has taken me a solid week to recover from the jet lag so my blogging has gone soft. (Wow, never thought I would use that line when referring to anything other than my gentleman callers but I think it totally works!) My plan was to report back my crazy adventures across Europe, show pictures, make people jealous, and fight global warming. It turns out getting to the computer was a drag, posting pictures was not the easiest thing (especially since the guy I went with was holding them captive and refused to answer an f*ing email), making people jealous was way funner(yes I know it isn't a word) done via phone, and if SF keeps getting weather like what we got going on right now I don't think I want to fight;) To sum it all up, I am back bitches...and ready to judge!

So lets begin...

For anyone that has been reading my past entries (shout out to you, my 3 dedicated friends) you know that I am looking for the insiders scoop on the layout/design of a space. Well this is going to go completely against what I originally set out to do with this blog. I can't help it. I spent 2 whole nights in the Marina, during fleet week and I feel I must drop the design talk for a moment and focus on the perfection that is Marina people watching. I can't even play my most favoritest game in the whole world...it is just to easy. I mean you just can't write this stuff. (of course, I can and I will)

Balboa Cafe

Neighborhood: Marina/Cow Hollow
3199 Fillmore St
(between Greenwich St & Pixley St)
San Francisco, CA 94123

(415) 921-3944
I arrived in the marina (shout out to Omar that gave me a free cab ride!), met my drunken roommates, and we head over to Balboa Cafe. Um...I am curious as to what any of those people that frequent that neck of the woods do other than show off their awesomeness? I feel like it is a full time job leaving absolutely no time for anything else. All I saw was a blur of stripped shirt wearing, fake blonde hairing, Audi key chain hanging drunkards. It twas a vision. We enter Balboa Cafe and since I happen to live with 6 very attractive gentleman (no I am not part of a fraternity...men are just easier to live with), the cougars pounce immediately. I found that the more desperate cougars sit closer to the front of the bar allowing for first dibs on their prey. Well played , ladies! I try and make my way to the back in search of a guy that might have a tattoo that isn't barbed wire around his arm or a man that didn't place each hair strand in perfect unison or even a guy that wears a second hand tee shirt. No luck. I step outside because I need a breath of fresh air and to clear the scent of desperation from my nostrils. Within seconds I am approached by a gentleman that could possibly been the retarded brother of Screech:

Him: "Hey, you want to go to this amazing loft party down the street."
Me: "Um, hi my name is Jocelyn. And no."
Him: "But it is supposed to be amazing! Full of celebrities."
Me: "Fine, I'll play along. What celebrity?"
Him: " Jared! You know...from subway."
Me: "Excuse me, did you just say Jared? Like from the subway sandwich commercials?"
Him: "Ya, he is at my friends amazing loft. Right now. Just down the street. You have to come hang out."
Me: *Actually I had no response. I walked away.

Really guy, Jared...a celebrity? And even more concerning, is that how you pick up women? Throwing out commercial stars names. I figure if you are going to throw out commercial celebrities names at least make it the Mac guy. At least he has been in some movies. Oh Marina, you never fail to impress!

Addition 2 will be coming shortly!

Gimme More!

Goedemorgen from Dutch-land! ...yes I was an idiot!

You know how people say you can get stuck in Amsterdam, well... why would you not want to wake up to this place just everyday.

For the 4 days I have been walking around the city. I feel like I am starting to learn the little ins and outs, more like a local than a tourist. It also doesn't hurt that every person speaks english and every person is more than willing to help out with directions and what not. Today I decided to rent a bike. As I am sure that everyone has heard, there is a trillion bikes here. I have never seen so many in my life! They line the streets, sometimes 4-5 deep. It is truly incredible. It keeps the city so clean, and it is so easy to get around.

The past couple days I have really gotten the chance to spend the time alone. I have enjoyed traveling with Ryan but he is coming to the end of his great venture and he is slowing down a lot. I could see that it was wearing on him, and me. I am not used to spending that much time with another person. As an example, the last guy I dated was only for a month and really we were only together on the weekends. That was even a lot of time. I like my me time. So needless to say it was not the way I wanted to start my trip or continue it for that matter. But I can't blame him, in october he will have been going at it for a year. Long trip. I could see that my attitude towards this whole trip was starting to change and I was somewhat regreting crossing the Atlantic. I am happy to report, though, that I no longer have any form of regret for coming over here. I dont know if it is this city (most likely) or my attitude towards the whole trip has been re-thought (I needed to make this trip about me and not him) but now I just can't see any other place I want to be.

So far my days here have consisted of waking up walking along the canals to a local cafe, where i sip on a latte, read or write, and people watch. Sometimes it is over looking a canal, sometimes a large piazza, or sometimes a small hidden alley. Todays choice was in the Jordaan district where old fern covered buildings were only separated by a small path. No cars were permitted. The only feeling to discribe it was quiant. Surprisingly this whole city is very mellow. All the hype that was associated with the pot capitol of the world is only a small section of the city. Amsterdam proper, in general, is very old world home feel. It only I knew Dutch, I might consider not leaving;)

Well that is my mini update for the time being. As far as what the near future has in store, well I can't seem to leave a place that looks like what it looks like here. AI have about 2 weeks left, Amsterdam one more week, possibly more, and Barcelona for the remainder.

Vaarwel!

Hello all! Sorry for the delaying in postings. Accessing world wide web is not as easy as i had imagined. It isn't hard to find them I just don't want to sit and do it, too much to see. '

Arrived in amsterdam yesterday and realized it could possibly be the most beautiful place in the world. The architecture, mixed with an ridiculous amount of canals, and millions of bikes, and a park that could quite possibly be a dream; I have no complaints.

more to come....

Hello to all!

I have made it, as I am sure you can tell by reading this. 23 hours, 2 flights, 4 tylinal p.m., 5 beers, and one very tired girl later I made it into Prague! It was totally worth it. This city is great and architecture to match.

This city is lined with small cobblestone alleyways, old world design, and churchs\cathedrals all over the place. I have yet to be short a great sandwich or a cold pilsner.

As I am short on time I will give the most to the point descriptions of my first hours upon my arrival and just leave it to the pictures I will be adding to speak for themselves. I dined at a great locals spot where some seriously saucy beef, brie, and beers were the perfect start to what I can only imagine as an amazing adventure. The design of the space was fairly minimal, or at least I couldn't see a lot of design through the cloud of smoke. I forgot what it was like to be in a place where you are the odd person out if you aren't a smoker. After a great meal, our server told us to check out a self-service pub down the street. Thats right folks, someone thought it would be a great idea to set me loose in a bar where I am my own bartender. I love you random chech server for turning me on to what will eventually lead to a pretty serious hangover today. Looking into The Pub you would think it was like every other cafe around town. A gentleman that was entering the space could see the doubtful look on my face but reassured me that I would be a fool not to go in. Kinda like the don't judge a book by its cover deal. The cover portrayed stuffy cafe; the pages read brilliant 2 story driking extravaganza. This bar was great! There was about 5 tables upstairs and 8 downstairs. Each table sat 10 ppl (I am sure more if you didn't mind cuddling up) and at the center was 4 taps. It keeps track of how much beer is poored on a small screen above the spouts and also on a large projector spanning one wall. I might add it is very interesting to know exactly how much beer you consume in one sitting. For two people I feel we held our own but once I looked at the scores (they tally up the number of beers you drink and turn it into a contest of sorts, which tables are the heavy drinkers and which are the lightweights losers) I realized I need to build up my tolerance much more. Coming in almost dead last in our drinking 'contest' we left the bar to frolick through the street for a bit.

I have to say, tourist populated cities are much better when all tourists are at their respected hotels dreaming about what kooky European adventure they could be on the next day. At night the streets are completely cleared allowing for dancing or random back alley makeout sessions. Not that I would know or anything. I am one of the tourists ;)

Till my next adventure....