Behind the Bar

A Locals Design Guide to Bars, Restaurants, and Lounges.

Nov 14, 2008

I have been flagged!




I thought I would include this little tasty morsel the editors on Yelp just sent me. I have been flagged! Apparently you are not allowed to review a restaurant if you have worked there. It seems that mentioning the gays, or the supreme parenting of Barry Bonds, or what kind of crazy restaurant owners would place a crotchy clown peering out over the stuffy Porsche driving crowd, didn't get the plug pulled on me. Solely the fact that I worked there was enough for the iron hand of the law to squash me. God forbid you read a review on yelp that is actual fact.

Hi Sheyna,
I'm writing to let you know about our decision to remove your review of Boboquivari's. Your review was flagged by the Yelp community, and our Customer Service team has determined that it falls outside our review guidelines (http://www.yelp.com/faq#great_review) because it appears as though you were an employee of the business you reviewed.
As a valued member of our community, we hope you will continue to provide great reviews, while keeping in mind our Review Guidelines. See you on Yelp!
Regards,
E*#^r
Yelp User Support
San Francisco, California

The guidelines state "The best reviews are personal and experiential, and tend to offer helpful suggestions, perhaps even an insider tip or two. " Yet the next guideline is "You should not review your own business or a business at which you have been or are currently employed." Isn't that a conflict of interest? You want an insider look, which I gave you, and yet you don't actually want an insider look. That makes perfect sense. You welcome people to pass judgement on some place they have been to once but a person that is actually in the know, no no no, their voice will not be heard. Now don't get me wrong, I completely understand not wanting a current employee to write bad reviews of your place. Lets face it, other than a hand full of people, who really likes the place that they work and wouldn't want to rip the employer a new a**hole? But why is it we, as employee's, can't keep our employers on their toes also. Wouldn't a review written by an employee make an employer strive to be even better to avoid that review? Wouldn't that, in turn, make the employee like the employer more and hence work harder for the them? Have I lost you yet? Alls im saying is nobody thats wants to keep their job would write something bad about the place they are currently working. And if you are no longer working there and don't plan on using that place as a reference...ever, why the heck is it such a big deal to tell people what it is really like at there favorite dining spot. How could you enjoy your Tuna Tartare w/ Wasabi vinaigrette, lotus chips and avocado cucumber salad knowing the the staff that is serving it is run by tyrant?

Lucky for you, editors of Yelp, there is no other place in San Francisco I have worked because believe you me, I would come at you with a fiery fury no man or woman could ever put out! Grrrrrrr.

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Nov 13, 2008

Creepy Crotchy Clown Carnival



Unabridged

Boboquivari's


Neighborhood: Marina/Cow Hollow
1450 Lombard Street(between Franklin St & Van Ness Ave)
San Francisco, CA 94123
(415) 441-8880


In the Know: I shouldn't really be saying this because it pretty much goes against the whole idea of me becoming a designer. But I have never been one to follow rules and so I don't see why I would need to now. What I am getting at is while hiring a designer will definitely give your restaurant a better atmosphere which in turn will bring in more business [hint, hint], one does not have to pay someone else a 218.7% mark up for a design. (and to the 92.4% of gay males that run the interior design world just remember, I have graciously walked 3 very handsome, strapping young men out of the proverbial closet so if you feel I am outing you, we're even bitches!) Obviously with the economy in turmoil everyone wants to save as much money as possible so restaurant owners are now becoming designers. And, more often than not they aren't doing such a horrible job. There must be a 'How To' book to bar/restaurant design going around. I am sure within these pages there would be certain must does, can does, and definitely don't, even it you think it is cool, trust me no one else does do guidelines. For example...

Behind the Bar: No need to ask anyone about the woes of this place, I worked here for a brief stint (about 2 years ago now and I haven't been back so if I am off please let me know. I won't change what I have said because once I am on a roll there is really no turning back. I will, however, make a 5pt font sidenote with your comments. Cheers!), and hence have my own behind the scenes take on it. Other than my obvious disdain for the lack of a hostess stand and the fact that it is the creepiest decor ever, the multi-levelness of the place is less than desirable. I understand utilizing all levels of your space. But that third level is ridiculously hard for a server to maintain, especially in regards to the type of people that go there. (That will be discussed in the who's who section) And speaking of that area...

Who's Who: Since this is a more expensive establishment you are going to get a more high-end crowd. Please don't take offense to anything I have said. I love these kinda folks (mostly when I am on the inside looking out). I recommend Bobo's as a place to take a client that you need to impress, a place to take a date you need to impress, a special event where you need to be impressed (and that you don't have to pay for - i.e. birfday or graduation), or parents that need to shut their kids up by taking them to an expensive clown show. I would seriously avoid the last one though, more often than not clowns are scarier than they are funny for kids, and if I am in a fine dining restaurant with kids screaming around me...it is I that will be the scary one.

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Nov 11, 2008

You Can Not Fake Awesome! At Least This Marina DB Can't.

You all know my love for the Marina. It's undeniable. But I must admit, I have never in my life wanted to be in that district as much as after watching this video. I have never wanted be in the presence of 'those guys' as much as with this fine gentleman. To whomever you are....please contact me. I must know what makes you tick. I must get inside your head. I can tell you are deep. If it helps, I will do all the sorority hair girl shakes it takes! *you know what I mean ;)

Enjoy!


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Nov 3, 2008

Who ever said size doesn't matter...

Lets get back to why I started this whole blog to begin with. Hospitality Design, and more importantly what works, what doesn't, who is in the know, to whom you might see at these spots, and my favorite part the subtle stories about certain dates or gentleman callers that take place during my search for the best/worst designs.


Lets progress:

Gimme More!

The Black Horse

Neighborhood: Marina/Cow Hollow
1514 Union St(between Franklin St & Van Ness)
San Francisco, CA 94123
(415) 928-2414

Let me just get this out of the way to begin with. Yes gentleman, size matters! If you have heard that it doesn't please check your references again. They may be faulty. There are only a couple reasons why a woman would say that to you: 1. You have been with this girl for some time, possibly dating/ possibly marriage. She is not saying that because she is trying to make you feel better about yourself, although if she is nice she is sparing your feelings. It is quite the opposite, she is saying it because she is making herself feel better that she has stuck with a guy of your stature for this long. (*wink) 2. You are hooking up and in order for her to avoid your pitiful inadequacies, self esteem issues, or a night of hugging her pillow as she listens to you in the fetal position sobbing like a 4 yr old school boy in the corner, she says it doesn't matter. 3. Or lastly, regardless of what happened between the two of you, she is going to tease you to no end, behind your back and to your co-workers, once you are no longer intimate.

In the Know: Now with that said, take everything I just said and disregard it (for a moment). At the Blackhorse it is all about size, and trust me when I say, the smaller the better! I can count the maximum occupancy on my 'lil fingers and toes, and that includes standing room. The bar divides the space in half, roughly 2-3ish feet on either side. Behind the bar is a small (do I even need to say that if the whole thing is small?) service station, a place to make a delicious cheese platter and/or a samich (sandwich for all those properly edumakated folks), and of course an old school bath tub filled with cans...
Behind the Bar: My favorite thing about going to certain bars is having a friend be a bartender. On top of receiveing cheap to free drinks all night, they always give me the honest, inside scoop on what works and what makes them seceretly want to burn the establishment down...
Who is Who: This bar might be considered located in the Marina, but it is far from a Marina crowd. (Thank god!) The couple times I have been there the patrons are nothing but laid back people that just want to enjoy a cozy spot with some friends. I might go as far as to say this could be one of the best bars in the city. I wouldn't go that far, of course, because I am a synical and selfish. I mean if you can only fit 20ish people in this bar, why the heck would I want to tell the masses to go there?

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Oct 13, 2008

The Marina Experience: Part 1

It has been ages but now I'm back!

My trip was amazing. It has taken me a solid week to recover from the jet lag so my blogging has gone soft. (Wow, never thought I would use that line when referring to anything other than my gentleman callers but I think it totally works!) My plan was to report back my crazy adventures across Europe, show pictures, make people jealous, and fight global warming. It turns out getting to the computer was a drag, posting pictures was not the easiest thing (especially since the guy I went with was holding them captive and refused to answer an f*ing email), making people jealous was way funner(yes I know it isn't a word) done via phone, and if SF keeps getting weather like what we got going on right now I don't think I want to fight;) To sum it all up, I am back bitches...and ready to judge!

So lets begin...

For anyone that has been reading my past entries (shout out to you, my 3 dedicated friends) you know that I am looking for the insiders scoop on the layout/design of a space. Well this is going to go completely against what I originally set out to do with this blog. I can't help it. I spent 2 whole nights in the Marina, during fleet week and I feel I must drop the design talk for a moment and focus on the perfection that is Marina people watching. I can't even play my most favoritest game in the whole world...it is just to easy. I mean you just can't write this stuff. (of course, I can and I will)

The Marina Addition: Did you say subway sandwich Jared?


Balboa Cafe

Neighborhood: Marina/Cow Hollow
3199 Fillmore St
(between Greenwich St & Pixley St)
San Francisco, CA 94123
(415) 921-3944
www.balboacafe.com

*I must say you all should really read the whole post. Much happened pre-arrival to the Marina. But for the type that doesn't want to spend a couple extra minutes reading, here is the edited night you impatient bastards!

I arrived in the marina (shout out to Omar that gave me a free cab ride!), met my drunken roommates, and we head over to Balboa Cafe. Um...I am curious as to what any of those people that frequent that neck of the woods do other than show off their awesomeness? I feel like it is a full time job leaving absolutely no time for anything else. All I saw was a blur of stripped shirt wearing, fake blonde hairing, Audi key chain hanging drunkards. It twas a vision. We enter Balboa Cafe and since I happen to live with 6 very attractive gentleman (no I am not part of a fraternity...men are just easier to live with), the cougars pounce immediately. I found that the more desperate cougars sit closer to the front of the bar allowing for first dibs on their prey. Well played , ladies! I try and make my way to the back in search of a guy that might have a tattoo that isn't barbed wire around his arm or a man that didn't place each hair strand in perfect unison or even a guy that wears a second hand tee shirt. No luck. I step outside because I need a breath of fresh air and to clear the scent of desperation from my nostrils. Within seconds I am approached by a gentleman that could possibly been the retarded brother of Screech:

Him: "Hey, you want to go to this amazing loft party down the street."
Me: "Um, hi my name is Jocelyn. And no."
Him: "But it is supposed to be amazing! Full of celebrities."
Me: "Fine, I'll play along. What celebrity?"
Him: " Jared! You know...from subway."
Me: "Excuse me, did you just say Jared? Like from the subway sandwich commercials?"
Him: "Ya, he is at my friends amazing loft. Right now. Just down the street. You have to come hang out."
Me: *Actually I had no response. I walked away.

Really guy, Jared...a celebrity? And even more concerning, is that how you pick up women? Throwing out commercial stars names. I figure if you are going to throw out commercial celebrities names at least make it the Mac guy. At least he has been in some movies. Oh Marina, you never fail to impress!

Addition 2 will be coming shortly!

Gimme More!

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Sep 12, 2008

One of 23,458,585,738.4


Ottimista Enoteca-Cafe

Neighborhood: Marina/Cow Hollow
1838 Union Street
(between Laguna St & Octavia St)
San Francisco, CA 94123
(415) 674-8400
http://www.ottimistasf.com/

In The Know: I really can't say there is anything all to special about this one amongst a thousand wine bars. When you envision a wine bar what is the first thing that comes to your head: chunky wood accents, or European park style outdoor tables, or napa style marble bar countertops, or one wine rack wall, or wine barrels strategically placed somewhere, or sexy mood lighting via candle light, or what my girlfriend described as 'poopy' rose stucco walls (that is a very technical term - thanks Lindsay!). All thats missing is the exposed brick. If you want to add a little pizazz...

Behind the Bar: Let me start by saying it was only due to the server that I could even tolerate the design of the space. She was incredibly nice and informative in her descriptions of the bar. She stated that the bar had been open for three years and they were the original wine bar in SF and everyone had followed their lead. (highly doubtful but interesting nonetheless) When asked about the design she quickly came at me with a 'oh I love it....'
Who's Who: More for the want to sit alone or amongst friends and partake in nice conversation crowd. Not a place to really meet people. Although one couple proves me wrong. While I know I should not crinkle my nose and play my most favorite bar game, 'Name That Persons Self-Esteem Issue' (Im actually dead inside) in the Marina district because it is far to easy, I could not help overhearing one mans attempt to show how cool he is...

Gimme More!

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