Behind the Bar

A Locals Design Guide to Bars, Restaurants, and Lounges.

Jan 27, 2009

Pimps Paradise


Unabridge


Otis

Neighborhood: Union Square
25 Maiden Ln (between Grant Ave & Kearny St)
San Francisco, CA 94108


In the Know: I should start by saying the size and layout of the space is fantastic! It is extremely intimate (ie. if you go here you must be comfortable with shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers.) I did find the design a but unusual, though. A cluster f*ck of things; separately they are all pretty cool, but once together the theme of the space gets lost. If there even is a theme. The name Otis came from a pimp that used to live in the same neighborhood as the owner. Maybe since pimps are eccentric in life and style the bar had to mirror that? You be the judge. After entering through what only could be described as dungeon doors you would pass a corridor lit by deer antlers. If you decide that you don't want to check your coat or sit on the comfy white bench seating in the hall, you will definitely want to see whats going on with the three vertical and mysteriously lit coral installation wall. This does really look pretty cool but as I said earlier too many random elements can get confusing....

Behind the Bar: As previously mentioned my neighbor is the bartender of this pimps palace. What this means, I pretty much grilled him a lot more than I would have any other person. Apparently it wasn't all that bad because he hasn't egged my house...yet. He said the only thing that he didn't like about the space was the depth of the bar. On the side where the customer sits, the overhanging lip looked like it was only half a foot deep. Not enough room to really comfortably put your legs anywhere. (How I see it, this pushes the bar stool further into the space so the customer doesn't have their knees jammed up against it. Not the wisest of things if the area is already reduced in size.) What I noticed, the height of the seats in comparison to the bar was way off. I did not like the feeling that I could just lean in to sip on my cocktail. Drinks should not be consumed from a horizontal front, they should be approached in an upward and then immediate downard motion.

Who's Who: This would be the absolute perfect place to go if you worked on Maiden Lane. Just think, done with work by 5:30pm...drinking by 5:32pm. And from what it looked like, that is exactly what those Maidenians did. The bar offered a great after work social scene, one that allowed for chatting up people you may or may not know. It also offered an excellent chance to indulge in a little more intimate one-on-one setting. So immediately after you meet someone you can take them upstairs to get away from the hustle and bustle of the folks still in search of their match. Kinda sounds like a cheesy dating reality show, right?

Dec 15, 2008

Oh Sweet Nectar!


Unabridged

Candybar

Neighborhood: Western Addition/NOPA
1335 Fulton St(between Broderick St & Divisadero St)
San Francisco, CA 94117
(415) 673-7078

In The Know: The first I have ever heard of this place was from an anonymous comment on my "I have been flagged" review. It read, "i posted a review of 'candy bar' based on my perceptions of walking by it, reading their menu, and concluding that the place looks like jcrew and wasn't a good fit for the neighborhood." I, obviously never being one to judge, couldn't possibly pass up the opportunity to check out a place that was both full of a certain J Crew wearing type of people in a neighborhood that is not exactly J Crew friendly. And having one of the best HH's I have ever heard of doesn't hurt either. I needed to investigate. First impression: I could not see J Crew in the people at all. I could, however, see where someone might mistake this place for a retail shop. Could it be the over sized book shelf looking object used to divide the front lounge from the back tables? It does look as though it could have housed several sweater vests and polo's on it. Possibly the bar and furniture wood accents? The sharp angular edges and color does come off a bit Banana Republicy. How about the lighting scheme?...

Behind the Bar:
I have talked to all parties that either own or operate this place so if I was to gossip, it would be oh so juicy. However, as previously mentioned, I talk to them every week now. I wouldn't want a high school he said, he said (to my knowledge it is all men that work there) kinda situation. So to save all parties from a civil war, I am going to give you just what I think. Isn't that all that matters anyways?...

Who's Who: One would think that since there are a plethora of board games that it would be fun for the whole family. False! I would not like to see little kids running around this place. One there isn't enough room to run around. Two if im on a romantical after dinner date, the last thing I want to concern myself with is a child staring at me as I deliver sexual innuendos over a game of Shoots and Ladders. (you might be surprise how much that game can get anyone into the right mood;) It is a great place to meet some girlfriends/boyfriends after work. It is an even better place if you go on a date, realize that you have absolutely nothing in common with the person sitting across from you, however they insist that you at least eat dessert. Instead of continuing on with the utter bore that is your date, you can take him to Candybar where at least you have a game and fantastically delicious dessert to occupy your time before rushing home to call your girlfriends and discuss how just because they are a rocket scientist for NASA doesn't make them interesting. Enjoy!


Unabridged

Neighborhoods: SOMA, Civic Center/Tenderloin
34 7th Street(between Jessie St & Market St)
San Francisco, CA 94103
(415) 355-9991


Here is a chilling question for you: Is it okay for a man to walk around topless if s/he has gotten a boob job? ...


In The Know: Yes, the TL does not have the best reputation, being overrun with some shady characters and all. Luckily, a lot of the bars in this neck of the woods bare no resemblance on the inside to there outside surroundings. This area might be the only place that has velvet ropes and crack whores all sharing sidewalk space. America, F*ck Ya! However, once beyond these pearly gates the space takes on a seductively dark ambiance. A vibrant red/gold floral pattern creeps up every inch on the wall to the right while a brick facade spans the length of the left. I should note that I am totally a fan of wall paper over just painting walls. It definitely looks like the designers actually cared about the space and wanted to put some extra bucks in to make it nice. However, this paper looked as though it projectile vomited all over the wall and wouldn't stop until every last drop reeked of roses and gold. It could have been the sheer height of the space that made me feel floral nausea. If it wasn't for the hot bartender #1 distracting me I might have thrown up roses and gold myself. (*On a side note...

Behind The Bar: Nothing. Nothing goes here because no one told me that anything is wrong or right with the space. Bartender #2 did say he loved the shell looking chandeliers over the bar; loved the upchucked floral extravaganza that was is the wallpaper; thought having an upstairs was 'dope.' Come on #2, I am asking what you think works and what doesn't, not whether you think it is pretty. Lets reserve that kinda judgement for the tranny with huge knockers doing lines of crack off your velvet ropes outside. If he was bartender #1, his delicious mouth would have told me he did not mind the whole establishment is situated with all roads leading to the bar. The ratio of space in front of the bar is almost equal to behind the bar, giving these bartenders ample room to stretch out while the patrons on the other side huddle together. If he was bartender #1 he might have even told me...

Who's Who: Don't worry, the tooth decaying midget tranny will not be the one trying to share a bar stool with you. The crowd seemed to be anywhere from late 20's all the way up to earlyish 40's. I saw a lot of after work people all dressed up in the latest business casual. (mainly because I went after work) If I was to take a gander at the night life scene, I would put my money on a mix of overdressed marina type trying to experience a world outside of Prada bags and popped collars or the club kids looking for a chill spot to exercise their demons before they head to their uber all night club.

Lets get back to why I started this whole blog to begin with. Hospitality Design, and more importantly what works, what doesn't, who is in the know, to whom you might see at these spots, and my favorite part the subtle stories about certain dates or gentleman callers that take place during my search for the best/worst designs.


Lets progress:

Gimme More!

The Black Horse

Neighborhood: Marina/Cow Hollow
1514 Union St(between Franklin St & Van Ness)
San Francisco, CA 94123
(415) 928-2414

Let me just get this out of the way to begin with. Yes gentleman, size matters! If you have heard that it doesn't please check your references again. They may be faulty. There are only a couple reasons why a woman would say that to you: 1. You have been with this girl for some time, possibly dating/ possibly marriage. She is not saying that because she is trying to make you feel better about yourself, although if she is nice she is sparing your feelings. It is quite the opposite, she is saying it because she is making herself feel better that she has stuck with a guy of your stature for this long. (*wink) 2. You are hooking up and in order for her to avoid your pitiful inadequacies, self esteem issues, or a night of hugging her pillow as she listens to you in the fetal position sobbing like a 4 yr old school boy in the corner, she says it doesn't matter. 3. Or lastly, regardless of what happened between the two of you, she is going to tease you to no end, behind your back and to your co-workers, once you are no longer intimate.

In the Know: Now with that said, take everything I just said and disregard it (for a moment). At the Blackhorse it is all about size, and trust me when I say, the smaller the better! I can count the maximum occupancy on my 'lil fingers and toes, and that includes standing room. The bar divides the space in half, roughly 2-3ish feet on either side. Behind the bar is a small (do I even need to say that if the whole thing is small?) service station, a place to make a delicious cheese platter and/or a samich (sandwich for all those properly edumakated folks), and of course an old school bath tub filled with cans...
Behind the Bar: My favorite thing about going to certain bars is having a friend be a bartender. On top of receiveing cheap to free drinks all night, they always give me the honest, inside scoop on what works and what makes them seceretly want to burn the establishment down...
Who is Who: This bar might be considered located in the Marina, but it is far from a Marina crowd. (Thank god!) The couple times I have been there the patrons are nothing but laid back people that just want to enjoy a cozy spot with some friends. I might go as far as to say this could be one of the best bars in the city. I wouldn't go that far, of course, because I am a synical and selfish. I mean if you can only fit 20ish people in this bar, why the heck would I want to tell the masses to go there?

It has been ages but now I'm back!

My trip was amazing. It has taken me a solid week to recover from the jet lag so my blogging has gone soft. (Wow, never thought I would use that line when referring to anything other than my gentleman callers but I think it totally works!) My plan was to report back my crazy adventures across Europe, show pictures, make people jealous, and fight global warming. It turns out getting to the computer was a drag, posting pictures was not the easiest thing (especially since the guy I went with was holding them captive and refused to answer an f*ing email), making people jealous was way funner(yes I know it isn't a word) done via phone, and if SF keeps getting weather like what we got going on right now I don't think I want to fight;) To sum it all up, I am back bitches...and ready to judge!

So lets begin...

For anyone that has been reading my past entries (shout out to you, my 3 dedicated friends) you know that I am looking for the insiders scoop on the layout/design of a space. Well this is going to go completely against what I originally set out to do with this blog. I can't help it. I spent 2 whole nights in the Marina, during fleet week and I feel I must drop the design talk for a moment and focus on the perfection that is Marina people watching. I can't even play my most favoritest game in the whole world...it is just to easy. I mean you just can't write this stuff. (of course, I can and I will)

The Marina Addition: Did you say subway sandwich Jared?


Balboa Cafe

Neighborhood: Marina/Cow Hollow
3199 Fillmore St
(between Greenwich St & Pixley St)
San Francisco, CA 94123
(415) 921-3944
www.balboacafe.com

*I must say you all should really read the whole post. Much happened pre-arrival to the Marina. But for the type that doesn't want to spend a couple extra minutes reading, here is the edited night you impatient bastards!

I arrived in the marina (shout out to Omar that gave me a free cab ride!), met my drunken roommates, and we head over to Balboa Cafe. Um...I am curious as to what any of those people that frequent that neck of the woods do other than show off their awesomeness? I feel like it is a full time job leaving absolutely no time for anything else. All I saw was a blur of stripped shirt wearing, fake blonde hairing, Audi key chain hanging drunkards. It twas a vision. We enter Balboa Cafe and since I happen to live with 6 very attractive gentleman (no I am not part of a fraternity...men are just easier to live with), the cougars pounce immediately. I found that the more desperate cougars sit closer to the front of the bar allowing for first dibs on their prey. Well played , ladies! I try and make my way to the back in search of a guy that might have a tattoo that isn't barbed wire around his arm or a man that didn't place each hair strand in perfect unison or even a guy that wears a second hand tee shirt. No luck. I step outside because I need a breath of fresh air and to clear the scent of desperation from my nostrils. Within seconds I am approached by a gentleman that could possibly been the retarded brother of Screech:

Him: "Hey, you want to go to this amazing loft party down the street."
Me: "Um, hi my name is Jocelyn. And no."
Him: "But it is supposed to be amazing! Full of celebrities."
Me: "Fine, I'll play along. What celebrity?"
Him: " Jared! You know...from subway."
Me: "Excuse me, did you just say Jared? Like from the subway sandwich commercials?"
Him: "Ya, he is at my friends amazing loft. Right now. Just down the street. You have to come hang out."
Me: *Actually I had no response. I walked away.

Really guy, Jared...a celebrity? And even more concerning, is that how you pick up women? Throwing out commercial stars names. I figure if you are going to throw out commercial celebrities names at least make it the Mac guy. At least he has been in some movies. Oh Marina, you never fail to impress!

Addition 2 will be coming shortly!

Gimme More!

Sep 11, 2008

Good Ol' Bessy


Farmerbrowns


25 Mason St (between Market St & Turk St)
San Francisco, CA 94102
(415) 409-3276

In the Know: Designers take note! If you are going to create a kitchy theme for your restaurant, do it. Don't half ass it by forgoing even the smallest detail. In the end you'll be happy you did. Designer of Farmerbrowns did an absolute amazing job keeping to theme. Almost (and I only say almost because it is close to impossible the have everything work; some elements just can't be changed) every component was straight up farm....

Behind the Bar: For any young hospitality designers reading this, one word of advice: take a crack at the industry for awhile. Become a server, bartender, busser, runner, host(ess), or even work in the kitchen. The only way to successfully master hospitality design is to know your surrounds, i.e. what works and what does not as an insider. It is easy to design a space that looks pretty but it is even easier and better to design a space that looks pretty and functional if you have been in the industry before. With this in mind...


Who's Who: I love this place because really anyone can enjoy it. From where I was sitting (I station myself at the bar, duoy duh) I saw business suite guys, tatted up boys, gathering of tourist ladies (most likely didn't realize they were staying in the TL and needed to retreat), an elderly woman in a track suite, early diners, the urban kool cat, baby in stroller, and kermit the frog. He says hi!. Usually with this decor I totally recommend a hot spot to take a date. Unfortunately with Hollywood telling us that 115 lbs is fat most women are only eating salads and low carb meals. Not the place to take your self-conscious date. If you find a girl that doesn't subscribe to the pressures of society, take her here. She will love you for it!


Two


Neighborhood: SOMA
22 Hawthorne St
(at Howard St)
San Francisco, CA 94105 (415) 777-9779


In the Know: Generally, I would agree that everything looks better in a darker setting; ambiance, design, your date who you are convinced resembles any number of your favorite bobble heads (I know from personal experience having recently gone on a date with one...come to think of it, maybe it was dark because his head blocked out all the light) My point is, mood lighting works wonders for a design...



Behind the Bar: At first our server was pretty distant, I am guessing because my vamp style makeup might have led her to believe I would suck on her blood. However, once I asked her about the design she was extremely helpful. Overall she was pleased with a far from cohesive design. At first glance I thought the designer did do a great job with space planning....

Who's Who: If you are looking to save a buck, go to the HH. Everything on the wine list is half price (might be the reason I agreed to go on a date with bobble head guy, too much 1/2 priced drinks), and bar bites are $2 and delicious. Anyone that serves pigs in a blanket gets two thumbs up from this girl. The crowd was sparse so telling you who attends is sort of difficult. From what I observed...

Gimme More!

Aug 25, 2008

'Taint'ed Love


Poleng Lounge


Neighborhood: Western Addition/NOPA
1751 Fulton St
(between Central Ave &
Masonic Ave)
San Francisco, CA 94117
(415) 441-1751
In the Know: Do not let the outside fool you. This place has depth, quite literally. Housing two rooms, the Fireside Lounge (front room) and the Temple Room (back room), this multi-functional Balinese inspired space shares its time between restaurant, lounge, and nitelife
hot spot....

*WARNING* Due to the graphic nature of this post (i.e. I worked here for over a year ) viewer's discretion is advised.

Behind the Bar: As I am sure you know, this section is reserved for the good, the bad, and the fugly in regards to how functional the space is for its patrons. Just as important, if not more, is if the design works for the people that spent hours a day/night there. With this in mind, my negative issues with the space heavily out way the positive.....

Who's Who: There is something here for all. The HH crowd consists of mostly young, cheap USF students and older, even more cheap USF Law students :) Dinner is a great time for young lovers,...

Gimme More!

B Restaurant & Bar

Neighborhood: SOMA Yerba Buena Gardens - Upper Terrace
720 Howard St
San Francisco, CA 94103
(415) 495-9800


In the Know: As I am sure you all know (statement directed towards the SF locals), if the weather is nice, enjoying a glass of wine outside is a real treat. Of course, unless you want to be shunned while wearing your best business casual...


Who's Who: PG rating. You can pretty much enjoy this spot for all ages. Could even be nice to take your kids to during the day; you enjoy a sip of wine, they frolic around the water fountain...