I have decided to take a break from blogging for the time being. I need not come up with some lame excuse as to why I have decided to put my incredibly hilarious, sometimes cynical, a lot sexy, but mostly judgemental writing style on halt. I just am. I'll grace the world again one day when you least expect it. For now I say adieu.
Otis
Neighborhood: Union Square
Neighborhood: Union Square
25 Maiden Ln (between Grant Ave & Kearny St)
San Francisco, CA 94108
In the Know: 
I should start by saying the size and layout of the space is fantastic! It is extremely intimate (ie. if you go here you must be comfortable with shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers.) I did find the design a but unusual, though. A cluster f*ck of things; separately t
hey are all pretty cool, but once together the theme of the space gets lost. If there even is a theme. The name Otis came from a pimp that used to live in the same neighborhood as the owner. Maybe since pimps are eccentric in life and style the bar had to mirror that? You be the judge. After entering through what only could be described as dungeon doors you would pass a corridor lit by deer antlers. If you decide that you don't want to check your coat or sit on the comfy white bench seating in the hall, you will definitely want to see whats going on with the three vertical and mysteriously lit coral installation wall. This does really look pretty cool but as I said earlier too many random elements can get confusing.... 
I should start by saying the size and layout of the space is fantastic! It is extremely intimate (ie. if you go here you must be comfortable with shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers.) I did find the design a but unusual, though. A cluster f*ck of things; separately t
hey are all pretty cool, but once together the theme of the space gets lost. If there even is a theme. The name Otis came from a pimp that used to live in the same neighborhood as the owner. Maybe since pimps are eccentric in life and style the bar had to mirror that? You be the judge. After entering through what only could be described as dungeon doors you would pass a corridor lit by deer antlers. If you decide that you don't want to check your coat or sit on the comfy white bench seating in the hall, you will definitely want to see whats going on with the three vertical and mysteriously lit coral installation wall. This does really look pretty cool but as I said earlier too many random elements can get confusing.... 
Behind the Bar: As previously mentioned my neighbor is the bartender of this pimps palace. What this means, I pretty much grilled him a lot more than I would have any other person. Apparently it wasn't all that bad because he hasn't egged my house...yet. He said the only thing that he didn't like about the space was the depth of the bar. On the side where the customer sits, the overhanging lip looked like it was only half a foot deep. Not enough room to really comfortably put your legs anywhere. (How I see it, this pushes the bar stool further into the space so the customer doesn't have their knees jammed up against it. Not the wisest of things if the area is already reduced in size.) What I noticed, the height of the seats in comparison to
the bar was way off. I did not like the feeling that I could just lean in to sip on my cocktail. Drinks should not be consumed from a horizontal front, they should be approached in an upward and then immediate downard motion.
Who's Who: This would be the absolute perfect place to go if you worked on Maiden Lane. Just think, done with work by 5:30pm...drinking by 5:32pm. And from what it looked like, that is exactly what those Maidenians did. The bar offered a great after work social scene, one that allowed for chatting up people you may or may not know. It also offered an excellent chance to indulge in a little more intimate one-on-one setting. So immediately after you meet someone you can take them upstairs to get away from the hustle and bustle of the folks still in search of their match. Kinda sounds like a cheesy dating reality show, right?
Neighborhoods: Union Square, Nob Hill
6 Claude Ln(between Bush St & Sutter St)
San Francisco, CA 94108
(415) 788-6686
In the Know: Let me just start out by saying, WOW! Where the hell has this kinda design in San Francisco been? I mean everything was spectacular, spectacular! And I am not just saying that because one of my favorite local SF designers (Mr. Important) did it. Oh, no no no. Each and every minor detail was attended to as if it was a cuddly bunny nestled in the bossom of a rock star design. From the colored menus to the lighting scheme to the multi-leveled dining/bar areas to the incredible bathroom, Mr. Important left no proverbial stone unturned. Lets begin at the bar as that
is obviously my favorite place to be: When first doing my research (i.e. looking at their website gallery) I immediately thought it was over designed with a cluster f*ck of materials. Not the case at all. Since it is two times higher than it is wide all the elements really start complimenting eachother superbly. But wait! Don't think that is the end of it. After a bottle of wine, the design went from great to a-mazing as I ventured around the rest of the space. The upstairs dining area had a completely different feel than the bar. The brick walls surrounding the space were illuminated from the bottom, a fantastic effect called grazing. What I love most about the walls is they were encased behind glass. It made it look as though the whole wall was its own art piece. This gave the upstairs a very dark and vibrant ambiance. 
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Behind the Bar: Enough with the technical side, lets get to the juicy stuff. Our bartender (the sexy foreign prince previously mentioned) gave Lindsay and I a pretty good insight into why European bars are better than American. He explained that size matters. (Sport, I couldn't agree with you more;) The bar was too spread out. Apparently in Europe all the amenities you need, i.e. shakers, glasses, bottles, etc. are within arms distance away from each other. No need to go from one side to the next to grab a cherry...
Who's Who: As much as I love going out, I have this weird thing about waiting outside a restaurant for it to open just so I can start drinking. If it was a minute before I got there that's totally fine. It was open, im cool. But waiting for them to open the doors and invite me in, sucks. This, of course, happened a
t Gitane because for some reason they don't even open until 5:30pm. (If they only knew how many people they could pull in if they opened just 30 min. earlier. Think about it boys...sitting outside in the 70 degree weather in the middle of the winter, kinda priceless) Luckily, I was not the first in line. A nice group had gathered outside. From what I saw, an impressive after work crowd. Ages looked from mid 20's to late 40's. Mostly all dressed up. Mostly all needing a break from a hard days work. Everyone kinda had their own thing going on which made it pleasant to sip on some wine in the presence of great company. But I suggest making a reservation or arriving shortly after it opens before embarking on this visual extravaganza. Space is limited.
And to you, chatty Cathy sitting next to me: Guy, I am trying to discuss politics, religion, and sex with my girl friend and most certainly do not need to hear another peep outta you about your sweet digs in Tahoe or your workout regime or how much coke you just finish doing. All those things is better kept to yourself.
t Gitane because for some reason they don't even open until 5:30pm. (If they only knew how many people they could pull in if they opened just 30 min. earlier. Think about it boys...sitting outside in the 70 degree weather in the middle of the winter, kinda priceless) Luckily, I was not the first in line. A nice group had gathered outside. From what I saw, an impressive after work crowd. Ages looked from mid 20's to late 40's. Mostly all dressed up. Mostly all needing a break from a hard days work. Everyone kinda had their own thing going on which made it pleasant to sip on some wine in the presence of great company. But I suggest making a reservation or arriving shortly after it opens before embarking on this visual extravaganza. Space is limited.And to you, chatty Cathy sitting next to me: Guy, I am trying to discuss politics, religion, and sex with my girl friend and most certainly do not need to hear another peep outta you about your sweet digs in Tahoe or your workout regime or how much coke you just finish doing. All those things is better kept to yourself.
*Well off topic but genius! Have to love the way some men think.
HELL EXPLAINED BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues:
The Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle 's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over!
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+
Hi, Hello! You probably are wondering where the F I have been for the past month. (and if you haven't well that just hurts) Yes, I have be extremely delinquent in my postings. Sorry folks! I wish I had some amazing story to tell you like I met a man and got whisked off to the Greek islands taking nothing with me but my bikini and 4 bottles of rum. (if there is any interest in that please contact me and I'll send you an application;) But alas that would not be the case. I have, however, been stuffing my face with chocolate and alcohol all month. Using the alcohol to forget about the fact I can't stop eating tasty desserts, and the tasty desserts to help keep me from going overboard with the alcohol. I think it is really a win-win situation. In the new year, I plan to keep it real while keeping it sober and in turn keep more up to date on my postings. (Subject to change and/or termination without notification) For now, I'll say my adieu to 2008 and welcome 2009! See you all next year!!!!
Candybar
Neighborhood: Western Addition/NOPA
1335 Fulton St(between Broderick St & Divisadero St)
San Francisco, CA 94117(415) 673-7078
In The Know: The first I have ever heard of this place was from an anonymous comment on my "I have been flagged" review. It read, "i posted a review of 'candy bar' based on my perceptions of walking by it, reading their menu, and concluding that the place looks like jcrew and wasn't a good fit for the neighborhood." I, obviously never being one to judge, couldn't possibly pass up the opportunity to check out a place that was both full of a certain J Crew wearing type of people in a neighborhood that is not exactly J Crew friendly. And having one of the best HH's I have ever heard of doesn't hurt either. I needed to investigate. First impression: I could not see J Crew in the people at all. I could, however, see where someone might mistake this place for a retail shop
. Could it be the over sized book shelf looking object used to divide the front lounge from the back tables? It does look as though it could have housed several sweater vests and polo's on it. Possibly the bar and furniture wood accents? The sharp angular edges and color does come off a bit Banana Republicy. How about the lighting scheme?...Behind the Bar: I have talked to all parties that either own or operate this place so if I was to gossip, it would be oh so juicy. However, as previously mentioned, I talk to them ever
y week now. I wouldn't want a high school he said, he said (to my knowledge it is all men that work there) kinda situation. So to save all parties from a civil war, I am going to give you just what I think. Isn't that all that matters anyways?...Who's Who: One would think that since there are a plethora of board games that it would be fun for the whole family. False! I would not like to see little kids running around this place. One there isn't enough room to run around. Two if im on a romantical after dinner date, the last thing I want to concern myself with is a child staring at me as I deliver sexual innuendos over a game of Shoots and Ladders. (you might be surprise how much that game can get anyone into the right mood;) It is a great place to meet some girlfriends/boyfriends after work. It is an even better place if you go on a date, realize that you have absolutely nothing in common with the person sitting across from you, however they insist that you at least eat dessert. Instead of continuing on with the utter bore that is your date, you can take him to Candybar where at least you have a game and fantastically delicious dessert to occupy your time before rushing home to call your girlfriends and discuss how just because they are a rocket scientist for NASA doesn't make them interesting. Enjoy!
Neighborhoods: SOMA, Civic Center/Tenderloin
34 7th Street(between Jessie St & Market St)
San Francisco, CA 94103
San Francisco, CA 94103
(415) 355-9991
Here is a chilling question for you: Is it okay for a man to walk around topless if s/he has gotten a boob job? ...
In The Know: Yes, the TL does not have the best reputation, being overrun with some shady characters and all. Luckily, a lot of the bars in this neck of the woods bare no resemblance on the inside to there outside surroundings. This area might be the only place that has velvet ropes and crack whores all sharing sidewalk space. America, F*ck Ya! However, once beyond these pearly gates the space takes on a seductively dark ambiance. A vibrant red/gold floral pattern creeps up every inch 
on the wall to the right while a brick facade spans the length of the left. I should note that I am totally a fan of wall paper over just painting walls. It definitely looks like the designers actually cared about the space and wanted to put some extra bucks in to make it nice. However, this paper looked as though it projectile vomited all over the wall and wouldn't stop until every last drop reeked of roses and gold. It could have been the sheer height of the space that made me feel floral nausea. If it wasn't for the hot bartender #1 distracting me I might have thrown up roses and gold myself. (*On a side note...
Behind The Bar: Nothing. Nothing goes here because no one told me that anything is wrong or right with the space. Bartender #2 did say he loved the shell looking chandeliers over the bar; loved the upchucked floral extravaganza that was is the wallpaper; thought having an upstairs was 'dope.' Come on #2, I am asking what you think works and what doesn't, not whether you think it is pretty. Lets reserve that kinda judgement for the tranny with huge knockers doing lines of crack off your velvet ropes outs
ide. If he was bartender #1, his delicious mouth would have told me he did not mind the whole establishment is situated with all roads leading to the bar. The ratio of space in front of the bar is almost equal to behind the bar, giving these bartenders ample room to stretch out while the patrons on the other side huddle together. If he was bartender #1 he might have even told me...
Who's Who: Don't worry, the tooth decaying midget tranny will not be the one trying to share a bar stool with you. The crowd seemed to be anywhere from late 20's all the way up to earlyish 40's. I saw a lot of after work people all dressed up in the latest business casual. (mainly because I went after work) If I was to take a gander at the night life scene, I would put my money on a mix of overdressed marina type trying to experience a world outside of Prada bags and popped collars or the club kids looking for a chill spot to exercise their demons before they head to their uber all night club.
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Who Am I You Ask
I am looking for the next wow factor in Hospitality Design. You may think that you like a place but save your judgments until you hear what is actually going on Behind the Bar.